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Showing posts with label Happy New Year. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Happy New Year. Show all posts

Saturday, 13 December 2014

Lingua Indica



Copyright (C) Shubhrata V Prakash
I am no scholar of linguistics. My knowledge of languages is limited to two - Hindi, being my mother tongue, and English, being my tongue. Yes my tongue, thanks to a convent education. And so the entire German-Sanskrit, three-language formula, four-language formula, five-language formula etc have left me quite amused and huff-puff.....breathless too. Counting the number of languages in the formula is no less of an effort than actually learning them.

My proficiency in German consists of..ahem...knowing the meaning of all of TWO words - Achtung ("Attention" - who can forget the U2 song Achtung Baby?!) and Das (meaning "the"). My understanding of "Das" is courtesy Karl Marx - Das Kapital, and Volkswagen - Das Auto. Of course, I thought Volkswagen was pronounced as it was written in English, till I saw the Hindi signboards. And actually, when I first came across "Das Kapital", while mugging up 'Books and Authors' in General Knowledge books as a child, I thought it meant Ten Capitals (of maybe ten countries in the world! Das means ten in Hindi, you see).

Sanskrit is another story. Shabd Roops and Dhatu Roops kept getting complicated. The difficult level was an upward rising curve, from 5th standard to 8th standard. Needless to say that the marks were situated on a downward sloping curve. One positive aspect of Sanskrit education was that finally, after 6 years of formal schooling, I could understand why the last consonant of the Devanagari script अः (Ahh) existed - of course, to be used in Sanskrit! It is said that Sanskrit is the mother of Hindi. So, like all rebellious daughters, Hindi used her mom's favourite Ahh sparingly and most spitefully. And so we have Ahh appearing in horrible words like प्रातः "praatahh", meaning early morning. Who loves early mornings, pray? But how was a small, primary school girl to understand that? I was still hanging on to my mother's pallu then.

A new language came into my life when I went to reside in the "only one of its kind" linguistically divided state - Tamil Nadu. Tamil...! No தமிழ்  Thamizh. Anyways, from not knowing a single word of it, I can now speak a few words. My early experience of living in தமிழ் நாடு Thamizh Nadu helped improve my acting skills. You see, I was communicating wholly and solely through mime. I guess the same happens when Tamil students come to Pusa Institute, Delhi, for studying agriculture. They have perfected the art of mime and so, no cultural programme in any Civil Services academy is complete without a brilliant mime by Tamil civil servants, mostly from the Pusa Institute! 

Anyways, the mime soon changed into some pigdin Tamil (not Thamizh). Whenever I speak Tamil in front of my North Indian friends, and family, they are so impressed! They look at me in amazement and compliment me on my "fluent" Tamil. I enjoy all the compliments and strut about with my chest all puffed out. Why do they need to know that if my Thamizh friends had heard what I had said, they would have had to take some anti-spasmodic to stop the stomach-ache they would have got from laughing. May be they would have given their maids a day off as the house would be clean because of their rolling on the floor laughing (ROFL in Internet-ese), and they couldn't possibly eat because of the stomach-ache explained before. So no cooking required either.

However, I have had my share of Tamil-shocks too. A few months in TN and someone asked me if I would like to eat Sholay for lunch. I was shocked. How could anyone eat a movie? A little more use of my bird brain horrified me further. What if "Sholay" is code or short for "Kalia : Sardar maine aapka namak khaya hai...Gabbar : Toh ab goli kha!" ?!  Mercifully, what appeared at the lunch table was the good old innocuous "chholey"..........and I learnt that in Tamil, 'sa' , 'sha', 'cha' and 'chha' are all interchangeably used. In fact, in Thamizh, there is only ச  'cha'. Still, this concept took a while to take roots in my mind. And so, during my first posting in Madurai, when someone brought a file concerning a "church" case, I kept looking for a church in it. Alas, I could only find a tax-evading financial company, which had been searched under Section 132 of the Income Tax Act, 1961 : hence a "search" case! And in the next few months, I did see a lot more of these "church" cases.

Every language and dialect has its own peculiarities. In Bihar, my home state, there is no difference between "pen"and "pain". Probably, someone in the early days of English education, during the British Raj, did not like to write; and so termed the "pen" as a big "pain" in his life, and the pronunciation stuck. In the Hadauti region of Rajasthan, "sa" is pronounced as "ha", much like in Asom (Ahom). So "Bachche So rahe hain" (kids are sleeping) becomes "Bachche Ho rahe hain" (kids are being born)!

In Bihar, the words "Kaahe ka" mean "why?". In UP, "Kaahe ka" means "made of what?". So, when my mother-in-law, from Lucknow, first came to visit my husband and me, she would sit at the dining table and ask me "Kaahe ki Sabzi hai?" (What is this vegetable curry made of?) Poor, foolish me kept thinking "Doesn't she know why vegetable curries are made? To eat, of course!" But in India, the Saas-Bahu game is always on, and I thought maybe it was a quiz she took to examine my philosophy with respect to food, poverty, hunger, healthy eating etc. I guess the UPSC hangover is hard to get rid off!

So, with all this experience under my belt, my relationship with the latest language in my life,  ગુજરાતી Gujarati, has so far been quite amicable. Except in the beginning, when a shopkeeper called me મોટી બેન  Moti Ben. OMG, was the shopkeeper rude and impudent! How dare he call me fat! (Moti means fat in Hindi). Had he ever looked in the mirror and seen his own pot belly? Or was he delusional, thinking that it was actually a pot that covered his six-pack abs?! (Happy New Year had not been released by then and a six-pack, not an eight-pack, was the gold standard for male figures). I didn't want to create a scene, and so, I managed to keep all my knives, daggers, swords, drones, RPGs and IEDs, and even Sunny Deol's hand-pump, inside my imagination. The next day, I started on a vigourous diet-and-exercise regime. Two days later, I was back to snacking on potato chips slumped on the couch before the TV. I had, by then, discovered, that "moti" in Gujarati means "big"or "elder". Hence, "Moti Ben" meant "big sister" or "elder sister" !

Anyways, whatever the outcome of the present German-Sanskrit debate - doesn't matter to me. What matters is that I'm way past school and don't have to learn either !! Language was made for communication and for creating understanding among people. But all I've seen languages creating is confusion. Maybe the cavemen's pictorial script was the real language. My kids have been practicing it quite a bit as evident from the walls of our home. Who knows, before they reach the stage when the German-Sanskrit debate becomes real for them, the pictorial script may have become a game-changer...?!!

Image courtesy : Sharang Prakash and Aadyant Prakash
Copyright (C) Shubhrata V Prakash

Saturday, 8 November 2014

Not A Feisty Heist

Image courtesy Wikipedia 
This year, New Year Eve came early. Two-months-and-a-week in advance. It came with the new SRK movie titled "Happy New Year". Ahaaa...! Now that title was surely misleading but more on it later. Farah Khan may not have hit the bull's eye with "Tees Maar Khan", but her husband surely took a hit from SRK. Ram Jaane what transpired after that but things between them were all well again - Om Shanti Om- and here was "Happy New Year".

In the movie, Shah Rukh Khan is "Charlie" aka Chandramohan Sharma, who cannot "earn an honest living in his city". Now as someone who went to Pardes to earn a degree, why should he not be able to earn honestly in Swades, pray? The question is answered in a flashback where his father Manohar Sharma (Anupam Kher in a cameo), a safe-maker, is defrauded by the Ra.One-esque Charan Grover (Jackie Shroff) by stealing diamonds and laying the blame on Manohar. Manohar is jailed and Charlie doesn't know how to say "My Name is Charlie and mera baap chor nahin hai". So Charlie hatches a plan to clear his father's name by stealing the Shalimar diamonds, which are being transported by Grover and his son Vicky (Abhishek Bachchan), and which will be stored in a safe in the Atlantis Hotel in Dubai on Christmas eve. To steal the diamonds, Charlie plans a One-Two Ka Four heist.

Now there are no Mohabbatein lost between Charlie and the Don, Charan Grover, and hence Charlie has planned the revenge and the heist quite Dil Se. So he picks up an Army, which needs a bit describing. Jag (Sonu Sood) is actually an ex-Army guy who is smoking hot and has all Maya Memsahebs salivating "Kuch Kuch Hota Hai". Tammy (Boman Irani) is a safemaker-cum-safecracker who is Manohar's friend. Rohan (Vivaan Shah) is a whizkid who can hack systems with Josh. Nandu Bhide (Abhishek Bachchan again) is Vicky Grover's Duplicate. He is quite a Chamatkar of a man who can throw-up (yes, i.e., vomit) at will. Hey Ram!

But wait! Isn't this a Farah Khan movie? So where is the dancing? At the time the heist is to be pulled off, the World Dancing Championship (WDC) is happening in the Atlantis Hotel. So, what better way to get to the venue of the heist than by representing India at the WDC? But, the Paheli is, how? How do five two-left-footed men get to the WDC? The English Babu Charlie finds a Desi Mem - a bar dancer - Mohini Joshi (Deepika Padukone) to teach them how to dance. The English is her the weakness and the Charlie manages to make her the Dil To Paagal Hai.

So, the team members get together. They rehearse their roles and practice dance. With lots of drama happening all around, the team manages to make a Raju Ban Gaya Gentleman of even Nandu Bhide (dimaag mein keede) and put together some sort of performance for the selection rounds. They get jeered and boo-ed at, but with Rohan's manipulation of the scoring system, they manage to reach Dubai. When they reach Dubai, like the Congress MLAs of the last Delhi Assembly, they are packed off into an Innova and delivered to the Atlantis. As team after team of stalwart dancers arrives on shining wheels,  the crowd sees Charlie and his team, and decry "Oh darling, YEH hai  India?!"

And so the story unfolds......There are "unexpected" twists like the diamonds not arriving on Christmas eve as scheduled. There are some fight sequences and some weird songs and dances. Ultimately, the diamonds arrive on New Year's eve, and Charlie is worried. Kal Ho Na Ho? Then, when it is time for Team India to perform, only Mohini is there. For her, what are diamonds but a form of Koyla? And she may be in Dubai, Phir Bhi Dil Hai Hindustani. She decides to dance alone till Jab Tak Hai Jaan. The climax has moments of Kabhi Haan Kabhi Na, Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham, and Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna. Ufff.....Kitna Konfusion! And it is not even an Ekta Kapoor movie. Then, finally, it is Chak De India! King Uncle Charan Grover suffers the Anjaam of his being a Baazigar, and Charlie celebrates the Happy New Year of his new life.

The film is quite below average. Faran Khan misses the bull's eye again. The music is absolutely mediocre and a huge let-down, especially as this is a dance movie. The only saving grace is "Indiawale". There are too many cameos.......so many that one gets confused whether Sarah Jane Dias had a role or a cameo on the dias. The safe with the diamonds has all kinds of security systems including a high energy invisible shield but no encrypted password?! Any Badshah, Guddu or Asoka could get it to sing "Hum tumhare hain sanam"! And btw, one wonders what were Anurag Kashyap and Vishal Dadlani doing in the film: playing "Veer-Zara"?!!

As far as performances go, well, a 50-yr-old man with eight-pack abs and facial wrinkles falling till his feet - how is it possible? Only SRK and his Dil Aashna Hai! It is a pity to see the actual man of action, the one time Yuva, having to strip to entertain. Mohini has got the moves but not the music to be a patch on the "Ek-Do-Teen" Mohini. Jackie Shroff looks in desperate need of the services of Billu Barber. Boman Irani, Sonu Sood and Vivaan Shah do a good job though.

Now for why the title is a misnomer. Happy New Year. First of all it was released on Diwali, not New Year's Eve. There was nothing "New" in the story. The heist was cut, copy, paste and rehash, from many Hollywood heist movies. "Year"? No, ear. The music was actually quite a strain on the ears. So, in the end, one does not end up "Happy" after watching the movie. Farah Khan could easily have titled it "Diwali Dulhaniya Le Jaayenge". It doesn't take Rohan's hacking skills to change the date of the heist from New Year's Eve to Diwali. The overpriced tickets sure made her and SRK have a special Diwali. And as for us, oh we are so used to taking out our diwala (bankruptcy) by putting fire to our money on Diwali, aren't we?!

But then, Karma has a way of working. Shayaad mere Karan-Arjun aayenge, zaroor aayenge..........