Friday, 1 August 2014

The Sinner Takes It All - II

"Oh God", Gudman panicked. "What do I do now? How do you I go in?"

Sin Peter seemed to think for a while. "How badly do you want to go inside?" he asked Gudman.

"I really want to go!" Gudman pleaded like a child. "You ask me the questions. Take my interview. Then you'll realise there has been some mistake in the manifest. Please, Sin Peter, Sir, please".

Sin Peter thought some more and finally agreed for an interview.

"Ok. Let me ask some questions and let me see if you pass the test."

Gudman looked quite relieved. "Yes sir. Ask away. I shall not disappoint you." He said confidently.

"Ok. But think carefully before you reply. You'll get only one chance to change your answer", said Sin Peter, "Here's my first question. Have you ever cheated?"

"No." "Are you sure?"

 "Yes" "Computer Ji lock kiya jaye (Please lock the answer on the computer)", Sin Peter said to SickPick.

"Sir, Computer Ji is not working. Should I lock the answer on iPad Mini Ji?" SickPick asked his Boss.

"Ok. Whatever." Sickpick moved his fingers over the iPad Mini.

"Next question. Have you ever lied?"

"No" "Are you sure?" "Yes."

"Have you ever taken a bribe?"

"No" "Are you sure?" "Yes"

"Have you ever killed anyone?"

"Heavens, no" "Are you sure?" "Yes"

"Have you ever cheated on your wife?"

"No" "Are you sure?" "Yes"

"Have you ever ill-treated your parents?"

"No" "Are you sure?" "Yes"

"Have you ever abused your kids?"

"No" "Are you sure?" "Yes"

"Have you ever stolen from your employer?"

"No" "Are you sure?" "Yes"

"Ok, iPad Ji. Pls give the results"

"Sure, Sir Ji", SickPick said enthusiastically. Here are the results as per the iPad"

"  Q.1 Have you ever cheated?                                A. Yes
   Q.2 Have you ever lied?"                                      A. Yes
   Q.3 Have you ever taken a bribe?"                        A. Yes
   Q.4 Have you ever killed anyone?"                        A. Yes
   Q.5 Have you ever cheated on your wife?"            A. Yes
   Q.6 Have you ever ill-treated your parents?"          A. Yes
   Q.7 Have you ever abused your kids?"                  A. Yes
   Q.8 Have you ever stolen from your employer?"     A. Yes "

"Hmm. So you fail the test. I asked you 8 questions about virtues in your life and you admitted to committing 8 sins. So you are disqualified and you are barred from entering Heaven." Sin Peter pronounced.

"Hey wait! There is something wrong with your gadget. This SickPick has done some mischief. I replied No to all questions. So how can you say that I admitted to having committed sins?!!" Gudman was besides himself with indignation.

"You first replied No. Then I asked you if you were sure. You were permitted to change your answer once. So you changed it to Yes. So our gadgets, entries and calculations are all right. Now off you go", Sin Peter waved him away as if shooing a fly.

"But this is cheating!!!"

"No, it's not. And now you are committing another sin by making false allegations against me. Me. Me,Sin Peter, CEO of Pearly Gates Inc."

"Ok. Is there any other way  I could get inside those gates? I'll do anything." Gudman almost had tears in his eyes. "Anything".

"Hmmm." Sin Peter ruminated. "Will you do whatever I say?"

"Yes" "Are you sure?" "Yes yes, please Sin Peter Sir. Just tell me and I'll do it."

"Ok. When you were working for Govt of India, there were certain secret files which were in your custody. I know a few good clients in your neighbourhood who would pay a handsome sum for access to them. They have some liaison spirits here. I could let you in if you allowed me access to those files. They could even oblige you with some honey Apsaras here (fairies)" Sin Peter proposed with a smile.

"Sin Peter, to say that I'm shocked at your proposal is an understatement. No, I will never do any such thing. Heaven or not" Gudman was suddenly ramrod straight as he said this.

"Then go to Hell," Sin Peter said peevishly. "I knew from your name Gudman itself that you were a no-good man. Just wasted my time khaali-peeli (uselessly)." With that Sin Peter rose and began to go inside the gates. "SickPick, just kick this spirit down towards Hell. He'll roll along like a ball," he said laughing a raucous laugh. "Time for my private harp concert. Then dinner with Madalasa," he said with a wink. "So close the gates before you leave. Business over for today. We open again tomorrow at 10." And he sauntered away.

Dejected, sad, and totally clueless about his future, Gudman slumped down on the first step just short of the Pearly Gates.

                                                    (Cont'd)The Sinner Takes It All - III

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